Theme of the day: Gas, belching, borborygmus, etc. You have no idea how many phone calls I receive about gas, bowel movements, foul smells, and just plain morons. I get calls stating that they have sprouted hernias overnight because they don't want to go to work. Must be a new phenomenon because hernias generally do not grow like tulips. All day every day I listen to the less than intelligent ramblings of people who should not be allowed to live without constant intelligent supervision. Occasionally I will get the coke head who will start screaming at me about something that he already screamed to me about but forgot because he is so high.
I don't mean to sound supercilious or insensitive but after years of these calls and patients my tolerance is rapidly declining into a skein that has one more stitch. Many of the patients are uneducated or are homeless- or live with abusive or even less intelligent individuals. But when someone waits until their wound or colostomy is septic and necrotic you run out of words to say. For example: one of the patients went dancing w/o a colostomy bag. Two words: Sweet moses!
So today the word of the day is "gas." As in "I keep eating spicy, ethnic foods with beans and fried food and for some reason I have really bad gas. I want to speak to the surgeon NOW!"
Or, " Someone called me- do you know who it was? I didn't get their name or number but they had a funny name."
Sometimes I sit and ponder my decision making ability and how on earth I ended up taking calls about gas and stool after going to Graduate school for American history and Archaeology. Did I miss the bus? Was it the drugs? Am I a masochist? Or am I just stupid?
Things to ponder while picking up the phone for another gas, stool, drainage, surgical nightmare issue.
Oh and I still have no idea what I am going to knit next. Suggestions, suggestions to all of my faithful readers!! Oh, that's right I am the only one who reads this.