Thursday, November 5, 2009

Gas is good

Theme of the day: Gas, belching, borborygmus, etc. You have no idea how many phone calls I receive about gas, bowel movements, foul smells, and just plain morons. I get calls stating that they have sprouted hernias overnight because they don't want to go to work. Must be a new phenomenon because hernias generally do not grow like tulips. All day every day I listen to the less than intelligent ramblings of people who should not be allowed to live without constant intelligent supervision. Occasionally I will get the coke head who will start screaming at me about something that he already screamed to me about but forgot because he is so high.

I don't mean to sound supercilious or insensitive but after years of these calls and patients my tolerance is rapidly declining into a skein that has one more stitch. Many of the patients are uneducated or are homeless- or live with abusive or even less intelligent individuals. But when someone waits until their wound or colostomy is septic and necrotic you run out of words to say. For example: one of the patients went dancing w/o a colostomy bag. Two words: Sweet moses!

So today the word of the day is "gas." As in "I keep eating spicy, ethnic foods with beans and fried food and for some reason I have really bad gas. I want to speak to the surgeon NOW!"
Or, " Someone called me- do you know who it was? I didn't get their name or number but they had a funny name."

Sometimes I sit and ponder my decision making ability and how on earth I ended up taking calls about gas and stool after going to Graduate school for American history and Archaeology. Did I miss the bus? Was it the drugs? Am I a masochist? Or am I just stupid?

Things to ponder while picking up the phone for another gas, stool, drainage, surgical nightmare issue.

Oh and I still have no idea what I am going to knit next. Suggestions, suggestions to all of my faithful readers!! Oh, that's right I am the only one who reads this.


  1. I didn't realize you were back into the land of gas and other such fun things!! If you ever figure out WHY we take those fabulous calls all day on purpose, please let me know :)

    p.s. seeing the word "borborygmus" in a blog just tickled me to no end. thanks for making my evening lol

  2. worse- gen surg w/ fistulas, colostomies and necrotizing wounds from IV drug users. YEAH!!!!!